Ameliorations 1.0

In 1 Cor 13:13 we are told what the greatest of the three most precious gifts are, but do we really live a life that expresses that gift in all the fullness that it entails?

I can honestly say I don’t. There was a time where I would have said, yes, I love everyone equally. That just isn’t true anymore, if it was ever true then. Should I love everyone equally? Yes. The Bible is very clear on the matter. Christ himself said that you should love your neighbor as yourself. Your neighbor, of course, isn’t just the person who lives next to you. As we see in the parable of the good Samaritan (Luke 10:29-37), your neighbor is the person who is going to be there for you in your time of need. Christ called on the person who questioned him, once he had answered the question of who the neighbor was, to go and do the same (Luke 10:36-37).

I believe that is the kind of love that is being spoken of in 1 Cor 13. Let’s examine the passage verse by verse.

1 Cor 13:1

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. (NKJV)

You could be full of any of the spiritual gifts, but if you are not teaching out of love you’re doing nothing more then committing recital of facts. In this verse, Paul is using exaggeration and symbolism (sounding brass or a clanging symbol were tools of the Corinthians former pagan worship) to make the following point: Those gifts are useless if there isn’t love. I don’t believe Paul to be talking about human love, but the love God showed us when he allowed his Son to become a sacrifice to wash our sins away. A love for his Creation that continues to stay his wrath at our sin. If you have love, than all that you do is blessed and those who receive from you are blessed.

1 Cor 13:2

And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, an though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

Here Paul alludes to Christ’s telling the disciples that if you even have faith the size of a mustard seed, you can tell the mountains to move and they will (Matthew 17:20). Can you imagine what could be done if you had all faith (and not just the faith the size of a mustard seed)? Yet Paul lets us know that without love, we are nothing.

1 Cor 13:3

And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.

Here Paul is talking about charity, the gift of giving to others because God has blessed you with possessions. You can give what you have to feed or clothe others, you can make yourself a sacrifice for someone else, but if you do this without love what good is it? The next several verses show what love isn’t and go back to the first three verses as further illustration of why without love, whatever you do is of no value.

1 Cor 13:4-7

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in inequity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Long suffering, not envious, is not prideful, is not rude, is not self-important, isn’t angered, has no evil thoughts, only rejoices in truth and not in misfortune, has the strength to make it through any trial, is trusting, hopeful and enduring. That’s the kind of love Christ showed for us, the kind of love God and Christ are still showing for us every single moment of our lives. Maybe you don’t believe in God, or are angry at Him for some reason.That’s ok. He still loves you and wants you to be with Him in eternity. This is the kind of love Paul is talking about here.

1 Cor 13:8

Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, the will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.

Whoa. Hold on a minute. Aren’t those all gifts from God? Yes, they are. Eventually though, there will be no need for them. According to the NKJV Study Bible from Thomas Nelson, the Greek for will fail and will vanish are both translated as meaning something will happen to cause them to stop, while no external cause is indicated for the cessation of speaking in tongues. What does this all mean? Simply enough, while all other spiritual gifts will cease to be needed, love will always be needed so God himself made sure it would never cease. If you have a true, Godly love in your life, you can count on it always being there. Even past death. It was Christ’s love for God, and God’s love for Man, that allowed Christ to conquer death. I’m choked up just thinking about how powerful that sort of love is and how much I want all of that sort of love that He will give me.

1 Cor 13:9-10

For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.

Here Paul gives us an explanation of the previous verse. We know in part and we prophesy in part. Yes, God gives us those gifts, but he only reveals as much as we need to know to grow closer to Him, to grow in faith. Paul also teaches that, when that which is perfect has come, when Christ comes again all that was only partial will be taken away because then all will be revealed and made known. Such partial knowledge will no longer be needed. We know that Christ will come again because He has already said so. We know that God, and in turn Christ, has kept all of his promises already. It is faith with which we trust in Him to continue to keep his promises and this is no different. Christ will come again. When that time comes, all that God had planned will be revealed to us in His perfect knowledge.

1 Cor 13:11

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

I believe this to be one of the more important passages in this short chapter. Here Paul is calling us, I believe, to stop acting like children and to start acting like adults, at least spiritually. When we were kids, it was okay to be naive, but as we mature into adults we need to start growing in understanding.

1 Cor 13:12

For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

Verse 12 gives us further explanation on 11. Paul most likely is alluding to the Word of God when he speaks of seeing in a mirror while letting us know that it is only a pale reflection of full understanding (which comes when we meet God Himself). He reiterates in the next part of the verse. Right now even he (like us) knows only in part but when Christ comes again and we meet God face to face we will know as fully as God already knows us. All will be revealed.

1 Cor 13:13

And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

My favorite verse in this chapter, Paul tells us that we need all three to grow in God and that we should abide (or to stand fast; remain; go on being or to stay; reside (in or at)) in faith, hope, and love. They are all important. Without faith we wouldn’t have our relationship with Christ and God. Without hope, there would be nothing to look forward to. The reason for love is explained previously. His final remark on love is that it is indeed the greatest of those three. Without love there would be no faith. Without love there would be no hope. It doesn’t take faith to believe in evil. It doesn’t take hope to await destruction. Love overcomes evil. It overcomes even death. So what good is faith and hope without love? None at all. It is faith in God that saves, and love that enables us to imitate him.

Remember, God’s two greatest commandments were about love (You shall love the Lord Your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your being and you shall have no other gods before Him and you shall love your neighbor as yourself). Yet over 2,000 years after Christ’s ultimate act of love (which was several hundred years after the Ten Commandments were handed down) we still have trouble expressing this sort of love to each other (I’m just as guilty at times, after all, only Christ is perfect).

Technorati Tags: religion, hope, love

Current Mood:  accomplished

So, as a step toward once again getting stabilized (I’ve not been taking my meds regularly since getting home, more on why in a moment, and lack of support like I had at Peninsula Lighthouse, have contributed) not only am I seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist, but I’ve started up, once again, a personal journal. Granted it’s not as convenient to take around as my moleskin was, but I figure it’s better then nothing at the moment, and now that I know where I can supply myself more of these beautiful little things, once I fill up my current journal I will be buying several at once, mainly so I don’t run out again, and partly because I want to try several different styles of moleskine at once.

Getting back on track, here.

So I’ve taken several steps toward normalization, and there are several more to be taken — such as starting a regimen of fish oil (2400mg a day) —and kept to before I can say I’m doing better. I plan on moving out of my parents place by September and while I love my parents, this will be a step toward the better for me. Of course this means I’ll lose Internet access again for a while. Hopefully not for too long, as several of the housing options shown to me by my case manager are income based so I could possibly squeeze in some basic Internet service (I might have to be a dial-up modem, though, hehe). To be fair, though, I’d rather be self-sufficient then online. I can get back online later or through my phone (which would wind up about as much as I pay for regular Internet access plus my normal phone bill) so I won’t be gone forever.

Also in September I should be starting school. With my next check — oh yeah, I forgot to mention, I wound up getting hired on at Wal-Mart — I plan on applying to school again, taking a few classes at a time so as not to over-burden myself, at least at first. I want to get my classes done for my AA as soon as possible, but at the same time I want to pass all my classes with good grades.

Good grades in school, work, and my own place to live that isn’t too far from either place. What more could a guy ask for? Well, I could ask for a bit more but I’m not pushing it at the moment.

As promised, I’ll tell you why I haven’t been on my meds regularly since being home. With everything going on here at home, with all the stress that it brings, remembering to take my meds has become a chore instead of being second-nature (like it had become). So hopefully this will once again become second-nature and I’ll have won, once again, this particular battle.

Technorati Tags: self, health, hope, life, money, work

You’d think I’d have lovely things to say about my mother like my good friend Sterling does in this post he wrote in tribute to his mom, and I do have lovely things to say about my mom, but they are just for my mom.

No, what this post is about is how I’ve been feeling lately about a couple of things, the least of which is my 30^th birthday. In 8 days I turn 30. It might not seem like 30 is old, and I apologize to those of you out there who are 30+ and are fully enjoying their 30s, but 30 is damn old. 30 rotations of the Earth around the Sun. 30 completion of the seasons from winter to fall. 30 years in which one can make decisions and learn from mistakes. Except for me, it seems.

I asked a friend earlier today if it was possible to actually ruin one’s own chance at being with the one we’re supposed to be with. Of course we’ll just ignore that such a statement completely removes self-determination from the entire equation and move on to the meat and potatoes of this dilemma, which is this very important question, have I, in the past 30 years, managed to completely mess up not just any chance I had at being married and having a family, but actually managed to mess up my life so royally that I won’t even be with the one I’m supposed to be with, whomever that was or will be? I mean, look at me. 30 years old, back to living at home with my parents, working a temp job at Wal-Mart with no prospects of any sort of enjoyable future.

What, exactly, do I have to look forward to? A long life in which to work on correcting the mistakes I’ve made in th e past, or at least to not make them again? Yeah, that’s a motivator right there, another 40 years or so to not continue screwing things up. More then a couple of my ex’s were parents before I met them, and I imagine they all still are now. They’re probably enjoying Mother’s Day with their son(s) or daughter(s), possibly joined by the father (in whatever capacity) and all I can think of is how they have what I can never have, aside from my parents and sister.

I can never have a family of my own. There’s a better then average chance of me not having children (given the fact that I don’t have any kids running around out there after the fair number of women I’ve been with and not used protection, I’d say it’s a good chance that I’ll never father children). I’ll never be financially stable enough to even adopt.

I think it’s time to rewrite my WRAP.

Technorati Tags: family, self, hope, life, relationships, emotions, love, romance, sadness, dejection

Work has been going pretty good, although I’ve been getting a lot of little scratches throughout the shift, so far no major injuries. For me this is par for the course. I tend to be a klutz and all the cuts are minor so I’m not worried. I just want to get this remodel done and put myself in a good position to be approached for being kept on as a permanent member of Wal-Mart’s team. Or at least until I finish school. Wal-Mart doesn’t currently seem to be that bad of an employer to work for, at least not on the surface. Working third-shift is definitely a change of pace. I have to keep weird hours and those are the hardest on me. I don’t get to interact much with my friends as most of them keep normal hours. So I do what I can to make money to pay my bills.

Things are looking up, before taxes I’m looking at around 1200USD a month. I should be able to pay off most of my small bills fairly quickly, even accounting for buying food and clothing for myself and helping out with gas. I’m also wanting to get myself some impulse items like some Lego sets — specifically the Mars Mission and Star Wars sets — and 25^th Anniversary edition GI Joe vs. Cobra action figures. I grew up watching the original GI Joe so this is a really important release for me because, while my dad worked in injection molding for Hasbro in the mid-80s, I never really had a lot GI Joe toys. Now I can at least get some action figures, to leave in the package, to help me remember the best GI Joe series ever, the original GI Joe series.

I just want to be able to spoil myself and my nephew every now and then. I don’t have any family of my own to speak of (aside from sibling and parents) and I really don’t expect that to ever change. I don’t really want that to change, to be honest. I’m just now starting to be rather content with being single. That isn’t to say I’m not attracted to women, I just don’t have a need for being in anything deeper then friendship with them. What brought this up was a recent comment on a post several months old.

Anyway, work is good and I’m making decent — if not great — money and I feel I can get all my bills paid, at least the ones that need to be paid immediately. Anything else will have to continue to wait, at least for now.

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Now playing: Thirteenth Step – A Perfect Circle – The Package
via FoxyTunes

Technorati Tags: self, blog, health, hope, money, work, relationships

Well, one of my coworkers is just as much a geek as I am, and he has his own legally registered business (a Nevada LLC). We got to talking about geeky stuff, mostly computers and how there’s such a large amount of people in their area doing web design and computer building and repair and such. Then we got to talking about how he knows of wholesalers of parts and somehow we decided to look into actually going ahead with the two of us trying to open a business in town which did web design, case customization, and computer building/repair.

To start the process of he asked for me to go and check out where the lowest prices for parts could be found and to start thinking up of business proposals (I think that’s what he said, it was 3 o’clock in the morning and work had been going pretty crappy up until that point (not that it got better afterward mind you, but we didn’t know that it wouldn’t, which is not the point and therefore moot)).

So I’ve asked myself some questions and was wondering if those of you experienced in starting up your own businesses could add to the list of questions I should honestly ask myself — and answer — as I go through this process. Following are the three questions I’ve asked myself so far (and I feel I’ve honestly answered them but I won’t bore you with those answers until I feel I’ve exhausted every question that could be relevant).

• What Goal Do I Hope to Accomplish?
• How Do I Hope to Accomplish the Stated Goal?
• If I Were to Honestly Assess My Own Skills, Could I Meet the Above Stated Goals on My Own at Present?

If there are any other questions you think I should be asking myself, please let me know in the comments here. Your input would be greatly valued. Anyone, of course is welcome to put there 2-bits in, not just those self-employed.

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Now playing: Apocalyptica – Apocalyptica – Betrayal Forgiveness
via FoxyTunes

Technorati Tags: self, hope, money, work, friends, technology, business