Ameliorations 1.0

It’s an absolute blessing from God to have any sort of friends. There are plenty of the garden variety, fair weather friends (probably more accurately term acquaintances), but I find it more of a blessing when you have those friends that will do whatever it is in there power to help you when you’re down and out (and sometimes even go beyond that). God chooses are family, but we, if we are following in God’s will, choose people to be our friends not for what we can do for them or they for us, but because we find something that connects them with us that sets them apart from everyone else. We cannot be friends with everyone, much as we might want to be, simply because we cannot devote to the entire world enough time to each individual that they would require from us as friends.

Over time our friends change as we grow older and mature. Our older friends get relegated to acquaintances, while our newer friends start to take more of our time as we get to know them better. Sometimes, we can even find someone with whom we connect on a level that goes much deeper than just friends. Those are our best friends. Most of us are lucky to ever find even one best friend. Those of us truly blessed find two best friends. One of those, hopefully, will become our spouse. The problem I’ve had in all my past relationships was that we weren’t best friends. Sure we said we loved each other and had a strong friendship, but we weren’t best friends. We weren’t willing to put aside those things that were keeping us apart and instead of drawing closer we faded away (sometimes very angrily). It didn’t help that God wasn’t in the relationship. He couldn’t be, really. Until recently I can’t really say I ever was Christian. I was a church-goer. I had a head knowledge of Christ and God. I didn’t have a personal relationship with Him and that’s what it’s all about. I didn’t know how to be a friend and partner at the same time because I wasn’t allowing God to be my friend and partner. I wasn’t allowing Him to show me how I needed to be.

Even now I’m having trouble with that. I think it’s a good thing that He has prevented me from entering into any relationships before I am ready. I still have so much to learn. Do I like being without someone that I can hope to be my spouse someday? Not at all, but there is a lesson to be learned here. I know God has already found a wife for me, someone who will compliment me in the ways I need to be complimented (and what I mean by complimented, is completed, has qualities that I don’t have but need). I just need to let God work in me and show me what it means to be a Godly spouse. I should be a Godly spouse in deed before I am one in name. I am, though, only human. I will continue to stumble and fall, but I will just have to keep on trusting in the Lord to help me up and show me back onto the straight and narrow. There are no stumbling blocks on the path to righteousness except what we ourselves put in our own paths.

Might I have friends without God? What about a spouse?

I hate to say it, but sure you can. People do it all the time. People also get divorced. Last night on WTVF News Channel 5 Nashville, TN, they were bragging about how much lower the divorce rate in Nashville was because of the slow economy. The biggest reason for the slow down? Not because people suddenly got a heart for reconciliation and repentance, although that would have been nice. It wasn’t because they had asked God to bless and heal their marriage. It wasn’t even because people were working things out on their own. It was because they couldn’t afford to get a divorce. In the intervening time it would have been nice if they had accepted Christ not only into their individual lives but asked him to come into their marriage. I’m sure some might have tried that. It would have been nice if they suddenly received a heart for reconciliation and repentance. I’m sure some even felt that they did and tried that, but as soon as the economy started getting better, the divorce rate went up (by the way, the divorce rate changed by less then a percent, by my estimate, seeing as how it only dropped by 200-300 divorces).

Without knowing a thing about their state reasons for divorce, I can tell you the number one reason why they got divorced: They weren’t best friends. Not with each other or with Christ. I’m blessed that God has kept me from marrying, especially when I was so close to doing it. It wasn’t just that I was with the wrong person. It was that I wasn’t with the right person. I didn’t have Christ in my life to intercede with God on my behalf. I didn’t have the friendship with Christ and God that is required of me and I am still working toward that, blessed as I am today, there is still more for me to learn to let go of.

I used to use t he term “friend” loosely. Now I aim to use it with more and more reservation. That doesn’t change the status of those I call friend now, not all of them anyway. There are some who really were acquaintances, and some who were friends. I just ask God to bless me with the discernment to know who my acquaintances are, who my friends are, and who my best friends are.

One day I’ll revisit this topic and perhaps than I’ll be able to tell you that I’ve found my second Earthly best friend. On that day a shout will go up to the Lord praising Him for what He has shown and given me on that day. From today on, I will be praising him at least once a day (if not more) for those friends I have that are truly friends. I will praise him for those who have been in my life, one way or another, because without them my eyes wouldn’t be open to certain realities.

Please pray with me, friends and acquaintances old and new, as I ask God for those blessings that will cause me to be a better man, to be a Godly man and a Godly spouse without a wife. Praise to you, Lord Jesus and God on high, for You are wise and mighty in all Your ways!

Technorati Tags: friends

Current Mood:  cheerful

As I grow older, I continue to form new relationships and older ones seem to just pass on, leaving behind great memories and unfulfilled dreams.

When I make a friend, I like to think it’s for life, but it usually isn’t and mostly it really is my fault. I get aggressive about something and then I either jump the shark — I reach my best in the relationship and then backslide — or so radically change my stand on something as to put them in shock. I remember one friendship in particular I was getting into that I started to vie for something more and just when she started to warm to the idea, I panicked and withdrew so quickly as to leave her head (and her heart) spinning.

Here lately I’ve started losing touch with more friends, for various reasons, and it’s really bothering me because I’m actively trying to stop it but it seems like it’s the inevitable result of current events beyond my control. It started being in my control, and now it isn’t. I guess I just don’t like losing control of a situation, or a relationship.

That’s been one of my hardest things in my walk with God. Letting go has always been so difficult for me. I try to hang onto things that I really should just let go of and it only seems to make things worse. I think God is trying to teach me how to let go and I’m just being stubborn, but can you blame me? Who wants to let go of any relationship that one values? Although I can see how it might seem that I didn’t value this one in particular. Almost six months of minimal contact and then all of a sudden I want to be best friends again. So now I’m being told to just let it go and it’s about to bring me to tears.

I really did value the relationship. The camaraderie. One of the few friendships that I had that I felt like was just right. I’m trying to focus on the present now, though. It’s hard. Instead of healthily dealing with this ending I seem to be just trying to fill the void now and that never works if God isn’t in it.

Please pray, friends, that I allow myself to be carried by God through this because I definitely cannot handle this one by myself.

Technorati Tags: relationships, friends

Current Mood:  crushed

I have done many things in my life which I regret but none that I regret more then making sex a part of my pre-marital relationships. Not just because of religious reasons, but for practical ones as well. I’ve had pre-marital (and once extra-marital) sex on and off since I was 16 and it has completely ruined my view on what a truly healthy relationship needs to be like.

So what’s wrong with it, without getting into the Biblical implications? For one, and I feel the primary aspect, it gets in the way of a lasting emotional bond. The whole relationship is about getting both people “in the mood” at the same time and not about learning about the aspects of each other that will determine if the relationship is viable in the long term. True romance has as much to do with sex as a rock does. I’ve learned from experience that a good sexual, pre-marital relationship does not equate into a viable partnership of mind and body and soul. Most of that lesson came from my ex-fiancee, Amy. The sex was good, even great at times, but our inter-personal relationship was poor and neither of us seemed to be able to focus on it or even interested in fixing those things that were keeping us emotionally apart.

So what’s the allure of the pleasure of pre-marital sex if it makes relationships harder to form? Why do some couples seem to connect just as well whether or not sex is involved? I don’t know, but I’d call them lucky. All I know is that sex should not be the beginning of the relationship, but the result of a healthy marriage in which there is already an established history of dignity and respect and love and understanding in both participants.

You might argue, “Well perhaps pre-marital sex didn’t work for you, but it is ok with me and my partner.” I’d like you to ask yourself if that’s really true. If it is, can you remove the sex and still have what you consider a fulfilling relationship? If you remove the sex and there is nothing else left then it isn’t ok with you and your partner. If you remove the sex and there is nothing left to fall back on to keep the “flame” going then I would seriously reconsider the relationship.

That is my challenge to you today, but not only to un-married couples but to married couples as well. Take the sex out of your relationship for one month, come back here and share your experiences with me. I’m eager to know just how many of you have a truly fulfilling relationship and what it actually consists of once you remove sex.

Technorati Tags: self, relationships, amy, sex

Current Mood:  accomplished

Just found out that my best friend is moving back to town (for how long I don’t know). It’s been several years since I last saw him, which is unfortunate. The fact that he’s having to move back home isn’t really good, either. I guess neither of us were really prepared for what life threw at us, but he kept at it a lot longer than I did. If nothing else I have to give mi amigo kudos for toughing it out as long as he did. I imagine he’s got some stories to tell once he gets rested up from his trip from Colorado.

In a way I’m glad he’s moving back to town. It’ll give me an excuse to get out of the house and do things during the day, especially on my day off. Not that I don’t have other friends or anything, just none that would possibly have the time to do random things on a whim (my bud is notorious for doing things on a whim).

I really am looking forward to having my bud back in town, I just wish it were under better circumstances for him.

Technorati Tags: friends

So now I’m a representative with Avon to try and make some extra cash on the side. Since there is no minimum order size, I won’t be feeling pressured to put one in, well, no pressure except what I exert on myself. I plan on taking a relaxed approach to this. If I get at least 4-5 orders a campaign, awesome. If not, that’s OK too. I know I can be a good salesman, I have a good deal of the traits that make a good salesman. I’m self-motivated (for the most part, I believe I am), I enjoy talking to people, and I like meeting new folks. The beauty of this is that I don’t even have to do anything past casually inserting into a pertinent conversation that I sell Avon. So you see, I already have a strategy and I haven’t even done more then get some sleep after the meeting.

In other news, my ex’s ex’s lawyer contacted me via email wanting me to call her to ask me questions in regards to my previous relationship with my ex. Apparently my name got brought up during the case her ex is making for visitation rights and I’m just really annoyed. I have no intentions of getting involved at all if I can at all help it mainly because I have absolutely nothing to say, at least not without an attorney present.

Technorati Tags: money, amy, self, business

Current Mood:  accomplished